Because of These Times

Hello world. Good to see ya again. It's been a long time since I've written one of these but I bet it's due time. For myself more than anyone. Unlike the majority, it will not be about music... not completely anyway. For anyone who just so happens to care, I live in western Oklahoma these days on a deer ranch working for the most part. It's a long way from society as we know it. It's a long way from mankind as we know it. A town called Camargo Oklahoma. I've been here for the better part of 2012, which is a long time to be in one spot for me. I have a hard time adjusting to such solitude, and it makes me angry. I have developed a problem, but it's actually probably existed for quite some time. Well, I have a lot of problems but lets take 'em one at a time. I have a hard time losing friends to the ways of the world. Careers, families, settling down, and things of the sort. It's not that making new ones is an issue in fact I'm good at it and love it. I seem to not be going anywhere and the rest of the world is moving right past, swiftly down the fast lane, and I'm just recycling someone else's old friends, which is great but sooner or later they too will move on. Good for them. Also, I feel like I've adapted to living in this environment, as if I wasn't born and raised into it. It's a strange feeling. I constantly feel like I'm trying to adjust to a new environment and can't find where i fit. Which is why I've engaged in so much traveling. New scenery all the time keeps me sane but never satisfied. I feel another big change coming. Perhaps the biggest yet. I won't give it an inch quite yet but I have plans in the works and won't be making it official until I'm certain in the next few months likely, in which I will be saving money to pursue this endeavor. I just don't feel quite compatible here although I love Oklahoma and everyone I know here... almost. I think I need to try to stretch my legs somewhere that I can truly catch my stride, and not simply function. I have a hard time committing to anything that prevents me from making moves as I see fit. I cannot ask for permission to pursue my own happiness, only to be denied by prior engagements and commitments. Long term commitments. Is there a more terrifying idea than that? Rhetorical question. I can't even bring my mind to consider such a thing. I can be there for you when I say I will. I can do what I say I'll do. But I cannot do what my mind won't let me. I will not make promises I won't keep. Although I have in the past. I'm not out for number one. Number one comes last on my list most of the time. Or maybe I am out for number one. If I do things to make myself feel better or simply just to help. I can't tell you I don't get enjoyment from helping because I do. I do for my friends what they need of me. I do not expect them to repay me, but instead pay it forward. I can barely bring myself to ask for a favor, because someone elses time could better be spent helping someone else who need it more. I've never failed to get myself out of a tough situation, even if that meant someone somewhere decided to lend me a hand. And the times that I've truly NEEDED my friends, they've come through like champs for me, and I'm thankful for that. Maybe this seems like nonsense, but it's one of those ideas that's hard to pin down in an explanation. Anyways, where did my mind go there? Back on subject. I will be making a transition in the near future and most likely without a plan. I have read others blogs and none of these people seem to have a knack for adventure. They can move to the land of a million opportunities and never take advantage. Sometimes money isn't quite what it's cracked up to be. Some things aren't as glamorous as we hope. Instead they tell you why you should back out. Stay where you are and play it safe. Live quietly and calmly. Allow me to make a rediculous quote that in fact is actually true. "You'll never know what you can't achieve before you don't acheive it." Word. These people can only be negative about the situation at hand and for one reason. MONEY. They can't do this or that or have what he has because of money. Objects are meaningless when you throw yourself into adventure. Getting caught up in that prevents you from finding what you CAN do and what IS possible. Life is literally everywhere, so do it. Don't let society tell you what to do. Do what you want to do, and maybe that's not for everyone. Maybe some people want to know how stable they'll be in their golden years but I may not live that long so here and now is where I'm at. I've found a place where I can do anything I want to if I try, and I can learn new things and test my own limits and enjoy the hard times for what they're worth. I'll leave you with this: If you can't afford a boat ride, build a raft. Everything you need is out there. I urge everyone to test the waters. You may be surprised that the world exists beyond your street. Sometimes the best way to get a look at the whole picture is to step a little closer. See things you didn't see before at a distance. Sometimes the best things are the little things. Have an experience. Merry Christmas. It was good knowin' ya 2012.